Hey everyone. Sorry for the time lapse between my last post and now. Just able to access the laptop again. My desktop will be hooked up within the next week so I'll be a little more frequent with my posts again.

Anyways, the latest news first. I had my second Endo appointment yesterday and it went really good. My Endo changed my shots to every two weeks instead of once a month so that the injections will be a little more consistant instead of having the high spikes and harsh drops which is awesome because now I can work on getting my moods in more control instead of feeling pitiful. On top of that, she upped my dose as well. I was recieving 100mL once a month and now for the first couple of months I will be giving myself 150mL then going up to 200mL which will give me the maximum dosage for my height and size. I am now 5 foot 5 inches instead of 5'3" and weighing at a healthy 130  lbs. =]

Last night was a little hard on me. I had a huge crash in my mood and broke down in tears because I was feeling really hurt that my biological dad wouldn't speak to me but after talking to my  mom's boyfriend, I started to feel a lot better because he is one of the biggest supporters in my life and the man who has been the father to me for the last couple of years. I couldn't have truly asked for a better man than him to step in and take over. Really hope my mom marries him. Rumor is that she wants to so lets hope it happens.

Knowing that he wants to see me pursue my dreams and do what makes me happy along with always being proud of me and be supportive was the one thing I needed to hear, especially from him. I've never really had that father figure in my life where I could just text him at my worst and hear the words of wisdom that brings me out of my darkest days. I think it's just the effort he makes to talk to me and tell me that he will do whatever he can to help and actually mean it makes me feel safe and respect him even more. He makes promises and keeps them instead of breaking them and that's the man I look up to, not the one who makes promises or says they'll do this or that and never go through with it. In a couple months, I'll be calling my biological dad and see how he reacts. Hell, I might even do it tomorrow. I haven't really decided yet. I just know I need some type of confirmation verbally again to see if he will make an effort or not. It will hurt, I won't lie, but it'll be the closure I know I need to finally push harder in my life because if he's not going to put any effort in it, then why should I? It's not a one way street and there's no hoping that I'll just go back to being who he's trying to hold on to because that person was never me.

I've been trying to keep up a lot more with my V-blogs and so far it's been working out fairly well. My voice has been dropping like crazy and I can't believe it at all. It's almost like hearing someone else talk instead of believing it's me this whole time. It's a good feeling though.

Anyways, there's not a whole lot to talk about this time around so until another day. <3 

So I don't think I ever truly shared the story of me coming out. Well guess what ladies and gents, I'm about to share it with you now so pull up a chair or find a spot on the floor and listen closely because this won't happen often.

Growing up, I've always known something was a bit...different I guess you could say. My mother always had to fight with me to put a shirt on before I grew these unwanted things the females call "boobs." According to my mother, I attempted to pee a few times while standing up, sadly I cannot recall this because of black outs that I've had when I was younger. I did all the things boys did; climbed trees, got dirty all the time, played baseball, etc. Back then, I didn't know the term "Transgender." In fact, I never learned the term until I was going on 20, thanks to an ex girlfriend of mine.

Throughout my school years, I identified with the terms "bi-sexual" and "lesbian," had one boyfriend and girlfriends. However, I still never felt... right with myself, should that make any sense. When Homecoming came for Freshman year, I wore a dress and heels. That wretched dress made me feel so uncomfortable. I felt like I was in a body that wasn't even mine. Throughout high school, I dated females and dressed more like a guy, something I felt a little more comfortable with but still didn't have the right terminology to put to myself. When senior prom came around, I was actually happy about the fact I got to wear a tuxedo to prom, although I would have gladly traded my date for anyone else as bad as it sounds.

Once I hit 19, a high school ex girlfriend came back around and we picked up where we left off. She knew more than I did about what Transgender was and brought it to my attention and finally, I felt like I was finally complete.. well getting to that feeling anyways. I had a name to put to the way I felt growing up and learned everything, well as much as I could at that time, about it. After that, I lived publically as a male and went by Jayden Tyler rather than Jennifer Nicole and a female for 2 years. I researched local Endocrinologists and the options out there for me and found nobody truly close by, the closest Endo was about an hour and a half away. At the age of 22, I took a friend up on the offer of coming to visit her finally after 4 years of knowing each other and found all the opportunities to be better for me here in New Mexico.

I am now 23 years old and on my Testosterone injections as of July 28th, 2011 and getting one step closer to becoming complete and happier with my life. In October of this year, all of my records will be changed to read "Male" instead of "female" and by the end of the year, I will have my papers submitted to change my name legally.
Throughout the years of struggles, I was honored with a supportive family, minus my biological father, and amazingly supportive friends who have dealt with me through my depression, my mood changes, my confusions, my happiness. I could never trade all the years of struggles and searching for my true self because in the end, I have a story to share for everyone out there who is afraid to come out and finally a career path I can see myself loving for as long as I pursue it.

Hi, my name is Jayden Tyler and I am a Female to Male Transgender and this is my story.

*=Side notes at the end

So maybe I should back track a little more and give you guys the broken down, full of a little more information, type post considering I disappeared for quite some time. My apologizes.

Summer came and summer went. Full of adventures and excitement. All full of ups and downs and crazy vacations that I never thought I'd get to have.

April brought me two weeks of spending time with my family and getting to see the Arch and also sleeping in the car overnight because the hotel fucked over my reservations. Let me tell you. That was lovely. I learned how to sleep in a car without getting too hot, how to change in the car and even how to smell good too so that it wasn't noticable of the fact you even slept in the car.

Back in Feb of this year, I scheduled my first Endo appointment which was available in July. Did I take it? Damn right I did. During that wait period, I started to take some natural testosterone pills. 100% full of natural products considering it was sold at an organic store that's in very few states. It prepared my body and prepared me for what I would be dealing with when it came to injection time in July. July 28th brought my first T shot of 100 mg into my right arm done by the nurse. It also brought me the bearer of bad news saying I would not qualify for *UNM Care because I get Social Security Income. It had also brought me and K, the best friend of near 5 years who puts up with my ass while I'm transitioning, a really bad car wreck where she is lucky to be walking and talking and me lucky to have walked away with a mild concussion.

August brought me a trip to Breckenridge, Colorado for 4 days. Most amazing and beautiful place in the world. I would love to experience that again, especially when it's snowy. August also brought me my second shot into my left arm which was done by K. September so far has brought me my third shot into my right thigh, which was done by *drum roll* me, with the help of the nurse that is.

Over the course of July to now, I have racked up 3 nurse visits of $116 and also $335 for my endo appointment, not to mention the lovely $1,000 for the blood tests they had to do in order to determine my testosterone levels. My wonderful mother is loving enough to knock out a nurse visit for me next month and by October 12th, I will be having another $335 bill (granted they don't charge me for my shot that day as well) and I will still be drowning in a financial rut.

However, on the good news of changes, my voice has been dropping and my weight has gone up (Pics and vids to be posted on that). Next month, all my records as far as Driver's License, Social Security card, Birth certificate, etc.. will all say "M" instead of "F." By the end of this year, I will have put the papers in to change my name, a hefty $250.50 for all of the paperwork.

So as far as the year has gone, it has brought me good and it has brought me bad. Depending how you look at the glass, it can be half full or half empty. In the end, you just need to have faith in yourself that you can pull yourself out of any struggles no matter how long it takes.

Side notes;
UNM Care- It's a type of insurance based for any University of New Mexico health care facilities. What they don't tell you about it is that you won't qualify if you get Social Security. All of my transition stuff runs out of UNM Hospital and Medicaid won't pay for it because they see it as a "cosmetic" thing rather than an actual medical condition.

My goal to work around Medicaid? Try and see if I can't find counselors, psychiatrists, etc to write me letters stating that without the surgery and the injections, I will never be fully happy because honestly, without them, I won't be happy.

Pics and vids;
Look in the next blog for all of that because there are too many pics to post and don't want to overload you guys on one post already. ;]